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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 5 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script *Dark Momoka appears* Narrator: This is Momoka. Anyway… Keroro: Yeah, I like ‘em, but I don’t want to build ‘em. Fuyuki: That’s why I like Transformers better; it’s already done. *Clattering on roof, Mois falls* Keroro: Well that’s odd. So, FUCK Michael Bay. Giroro: *Muffled* Why, Natsumi. How… expected of you. I knew you’d come around one day- now get off, baby; my gun’s on my crotch. MY GUN’S ON MY- *Cuts to Mois lying on the couch* Fuyuki: *Serious* Her brown skin… I’ve lost her in the couch. Natsumi: *Slightly pissy* She’s blonde. How do you miss that? Fuyuki: Cidihwaa? *Subtitle: ???* *Mois sits up straight* Keroro: *Spanish, upbeat* Did someone call me? *Sees Mois* Keroro: *Spanish* Oh fuck. Mois: *Pounces* UNCLE!!! Natsumi: *Confused* “Uncle?” Fuyuki: Are you related to Sarge? Mois: *Nervous* Oh… It’s a Japanese thing. You wouldn’t understand. Natsumi: *To herself* We are Japanese… Mois: *Pulling up sweater vest* IS THIS NORMAL?! Fuyuki: Si! Ai Coño! *Mois transforms* Mois: *Embarrased* Woops, I guess I pressed the wrong button. Keroro: Oh wow! You’re Mois? I haven’t seen you in years! For a second there, I was worried I’d seduced another poor girl with my charms. Mois: Hee-hee! Giroro: *Heavily muffled* HA!!! Natsumi: *Confused* Uhh… that “uncle” thing? Mois: Well, Uncle Keroro’s family has been friends with mine for generations. He used to take me to Disneyland, *shows Eiffel Tower* he’d take me to the Dollar Store, *shows a dump* and even to the Post Office! *Shows a forest fire* Mois: *Nostalgic* I still remember when he used to pick me up from school. *Shows a car wreck* Fuyuki: *Crying* My mom never took me to the Dollar Store! Mois: *Sweetly* My Uncle Keroro means so much to me. *Shuffling* Keroro: Mois…? No. Not in front of Natsumi; she’s a minor. Giroro: *Muffled* And it’s okay!!! Natsumi: *Slightly annoyed* Giroro, do you want in or something? Giroro: *Weakly* You dropped your phone, my love. Natsumi: Dude, I don’t have a phone. Giroro: Then Merry Christmas!!! Mois: *Upset* No! Give it back! I need it to kill things! Giroro: *Very pissed off* That was you?! Then I’m gonna waste all your minutes! Mwahahaha! *Flies off, stops* Giroro: Wait, did you say “kill things”? Mois: *Calling out* Uh-huh! It turns into a spear, and I can split whole planets in half! Giroro: …the fuck? *Sandal hits phone out of Giroro’s hand, lands in Keroro’s hands* Keroro: Huh…? Natsumi: *Yelling out* Hey, physics don’t work that way! Giroro: Been waiting to use these for days. *Presses button, snakes grab Mois and Natsumi* Natsumi: *Struggling* Lemme go… this is not a good time for this…! Mois: *Struggling* Uncle, please! Don’t you remember my sweet 1016? *Faded out* You brought me to that place with all the cars and we stood in the middle dodging everyone? And everyone was so nice to you! Remember: “get out of the way, dickhead”? And “wake up, you idiot”? Keroro: *Singing to himself* Somewhere over the rain…cloud… there was… rain. Giroro: Wake up, you idiot! Now’s your chance to be useful for once! Keroro: *To himself* Useful…?! Do I want that responsibility…? But what if I let down Mois… and Fuyuki… and Natsum- Fuyuki… Fuyuki: *Intense* Speed lines are cool! Keroro: *Intense* But then again, speed lines are cool! *Cellphone rings* Keroro: *Click* Hello? Tamama: Hi Sarge! Keroro: Oh hey Tamama- how did you get this number? Tamama: …I’m going through a tunnel. Keroro: You got stuck. Tamama: Hnn… Keroro: Where are you? Tamama: I'm locked inside a car. Keroro: Alright, don't worry, I'll come over an- what? Tamama: I'm locked inside a car. Keroro: …Hun? Tamama: Yeah? Keroro: Think about what you said for a minute. Tamama: I said I'm locked inside th- Oooooooohhhh I see what’s wrong. Keroro: Good Tamama: *Locks door* Ok NOW I'm locked! Come get me, Sarge! *Click* Keroro: …*Sigh* He’s worth it…he’s worth it. Keroro: Here you go, Mois. I gotta go find my privates. Narrator: *A few days later* *Shows guys surrounding Asami* Guy: ‘Ey, I can talk with my teeth closed! *Kick* Asami: *Low and threatening* Well… I can kick with my mouth closed. Guy: Uuhhhh… ‘kay, if that don’t impress you, just take my money. Asami: I don’t need your money; I’m homeless! Guy: Well, if you insist… Asami: *Serious* No seriously, gimme it. *Dororo grabs wallet* Dororo: Maybe Keroro will let me back inside, now. *Cut to the house* Natsumi: *Lovestruck* I’m so glad you could stop by, Saburo. *Saburo opens mouth* Dororo: Ms. Natsumi, we need to talk. Tamama: LOOK AT MY TEETH. Natsumi: *Seriously impressed* Whoa… NICE TEETH. Fuyuki: Quatro? Keroro: OH GOD, THERE’S A LETTER IN MY EYE! Oh hey, what’s up? Natsumi: There’s something these guys need to tell you. Tamama: Well, I thought it was cool, but Hangnail had a problem with it! Dororo: Harming others is wrong. But I did steal their wallet, like you said! Keroro: Guys, if this is about Mois, it’s just a misunderstanding. All she does is girly shit *quieter* that I don’t want to do. But if you’re so curious, Kululu’s creepiness came in handy. Kululu: *Spins around in chair* Don’t you want me, baby? Keroro: *Sing* Oohhhh- no. *DVD Plays* Mois: *Sweetly* I’m making this DVD specifically for my Papa. Kululu: *Coughing nervously* Mois: I found the planet I was looking for, and it turns out Uncle Keroro is here! So, I’ve been spending my day hanging out with him and helping him around his house. But I haven’t forgotten that important thing. Don’t worry, Daddy, I’ll do it just like I said. *Outer shot* Mois: *Running away* STOP FOLLOWING ME! Kululu: Woops, forgot to take that one out. Natsumi: So, what is she doing? Fuyuki: Where is she going? Keroro: When will she GET THE FUCK OFF ME!? Mois: *On TV* Anyway, I gotta finish my morning routine and take my shower. *Shower sounds from TV* Mois: So, why didn’t you want to join me, Uncle? Keroro: I didn’t know you were having one-whoa-ho-HEY!!! Natsumi: *Nervous* Mois! How’s it goin’? Mois: *Worried* Oh! You didn’t find out about that “important thing”, did you? Fuyuki: Which one? We saw a few… Mois: *Upset, partially crying, running out* Oh, I’m sorry, everyone! *Everyone chases after her* Keroro: No, wait! It’s not a secret; everybody hates Dororo! Tamama: Whooooooa… Lesbo #2: I wish Natsumi was here! Lesbo #1: I wish you were Natsumi! Both: WAAAAAAAAAH! Asami: God. Grow a pair, you two. Fuyuki: Look! She’s stealing their money! Lesbos: Take our money! Asami: *Bemused* No, I really don’t want your money. Keroro: She isn’t taking their money!… Whoa? Natsumi: *Scolding* Mois! Leave those presumptuous idiots alone! *Asami turns* Natsumi: Huh…?! *Mois walks up from the side* Mois: *Points at Asami, opens mouth wide* YOU LOOK LIKE ME. Asami: *Stammering* Oh-… Oh yeah?! Well… *Runs away* Natsumi: *Baffled, low* Whoa… She got you there, Mois. Mois: *Narration* I came to this planet with a mission. But to do it, I had to find someone strong, and take their form. Mois: *To herself, serious* Schoolgirls everywhere. They must be the ones in charge. Mois: *Narrator* And that’s when I saw her… Guy: ‘Ey! I can talk with my mouth open! Asami: Well, I can defend these boys with my… teeth open! Boy: Yep, she’s got this. We’re out of here! Guy: Waaaah?! *Kicked in the face* Mois: *Narration* Seeing her take on all those thugs by herself… I knew I’d found the right one. Fuyuki: And that was when you crashed in our yard? Mois: Yeah, it turns out she’s near-sighted. Natsumi: *Casual* Well, at least that’s explained. But what’s this important mission you’re supposed to be- Giroro: *Sitting in between her and Saburo* You guys need a new couch. There’s barely room for three people here. Natsumi: *Slightly annoyed* Then why don’t you move… Giroro: ‘Cause I can only be so subtle, babe. And there ain’t no subtlety on the battlefield. *Saburo opens mouth* Giroro: *Quickly* I love you. Keroro: Hun, you think you can fan me a little faster there? Tamama: Why do you people have to move? GOD. Keroro: Hun, I carried you most of the- oh, forget it. Fuyuki: So what are going to do with that girl? She’s clearly gonna be a problem. Dororo: That poor child is clearly a runaway. *Closes eyes* I know the type. Kululu: Dude, you don’t even know what street you live on. Mois: *Energized* I agree! Let’s go find a street sign! Keroro: Find the runaway. Mois: *Still energized* Find the runaway! *Cuts to alley as train rolls by* Asami: *Laughs evilly* Missing my parents makes me evil. Dororo: Excuse me young one… I know what secret haunts your past And the choices that remain. *Close up* You must follow what your heart deems true And cast your curses to the rain. Tap into the powers that be… *Asami walks away* And she’s walking away from me. *Pulls off hood, Sad* Not even humans…? Asami: *Irritated* God. You break up with somebody and all of a sudden they’re fucking Nikki Giovanni-. *Mois appears* Huh…?! *Follows Mois into a building, sees another person who looks like her* Asami: *Frightened mutterings* *Runs into burger joint* Cashier: WAKA WAKA! Asami: NOOOOOOOO! *Asami panting as she runs* Reporter on large TV: Big brother is always watching you. *Runs away, everyone returns to normal* Keroro: Oh sorry I didn’t record any of that. I had the lid on. Tamama: I guess they don’t sell Waka Wakas on this planet. Keroro: Tamama, you’re in a burger store. They sell burgers. Giroro: Well, I didn’t know that. Keroro: And now you know… yeah. Take that. Asami: *Gasping for air* If I see… another look-alike… I’m gonna flip my shit… Mois: Excuse me- Asami: AAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Mois: Uh- wow… Sorry? Asami: You! What do you want from me?! Mois: I know your past. I know that you’re a runaway, but you have to go back home. Asami: *Defensive* I haven’t even exposited yet. How could you know I’m a runaway? Mois: ‘Cause my uncle’s friends are hot shit! Dororo: *From a distance* Well, THANK YOU, SOMEBODY! Natsumi: *Quietly, behind the bushes* Keep going Mois! She’ll be back home where she belongs in no time! Fuyuki: I sense some thick irony, here. *Saburo opens mouth, Giroro squeezes in-between him and Natsumi* Giroro: FOREVER IN THE MIDDLE! *Kululu giggles to himself for 15 seconds straight* Tamama: Stop… Sgt Major… Stop… For FUCK’S SAKE, Kululu! Keroro: *Appears* I have a fish in my hat, guys! I call him “Boney”. Mois: *Concerned* Please go home. Don’t make me force you. Asami: What are you going to do? Split the world in half? Mois: *Already transformed* Well gee! How’d you know? Asami: What the fuck?! *Mois hits the ground* Mois: *Cheerful* And this is how I do it! Keroro: No! WHERE DID BONEY GO?! Dororo: Somebody needs to stop her! Tamama: I’ll be the hero! *Runs down the abyss* Tamama: G.I. JOOOOOOOOE!!! *Gets quieter* Keroro: Hun! No! We’re not in America- *not caring anymore* Oh, fuck it. Mois: You know, considering my favorite Uncle is here and I love him lots and lots, you’d think I’d have thought this through. *Pounds the ground one last time, planet splits in half* *Camera pans down street from lamp* Narrator: After several weeks of Kululu fixing everything… with tape… Natsumi: Well, I guess that settles that. Mois: Yep! She’s back home where she belongs. Keroro: Hey, look at me wiggle my *Natsumi chokes him* BUTT… Mois: Oh right! You guys wanted to know what my secret mission was! Keroro, Fuyuki, Natsumi: Yeeees? Mois: That was it! Fuyuki and Natsumi: *Hopeless* Uuuhhhh… Mois: *Flirty* So, uncllllle… *Credits* Tamama: …oooooOOOOOOOOOE!!! *Panting heavily* So what did I miss? *Collapses* Blegh… Kululu: Kukukukukukukukukuku Keroro: Kululu, this is my room. Tamama: And mine. Kululu: Ku, ku? Giroro: Then what am I doing here? Category:Episode Scripts